As I watched my neighbors walk out of their apartment dressed in caps and gowns to attend their graduation yesterday, I realized this weekend marked four years since I graduated from college. A lot has happened since then--some good, some bad, and some incredibly eye-opening. I thought I would share with you a few of the more poignant life lessons I have learned these past four years.
1.) Growing up white and privileged does not necessarily guarantee you immediate success in life (who knew?!). I said it before and I'll say it again, my generation was ill-prepared for the real world; especially those of us born to a certain station in life. I grew up thinking that all I had to do was imagine the kind of life I wanted and it would just happen. I always did well in school and assumed that would just translate into my post-graduate life as well. It didn't. It turns out that you have to really know what you want to be successful at anything. I drifted through my collegiate life, floating lofty ideals and a vision for a better future I would somehow be a part of shaping. But I was never really sure how I would contribute. Each year it seemed like I came up with a new profession and subsequent life plan. So, I graduated pursuing one such plan, which, shockingly, didn't work out and then took about four years to figure out my next move.
What I'm finally realizing is there is no perfect plan. You can map out every detail of your life and the outcome is still ultimately out of your control. How does that saying go? "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." My biggest lesson in the last year is that sometimes you just need to choose a path and trust that things will work out. It's that simple. Once you make a decision about one facet of your life the other pieces magically seem to fall into place, maybe not all at once but it does come together. I'm just now starting to appreciate this in-between process of not having everything figured out yet. I'm cutting myself some slack and accepting that it's fairly common for twenty six year olds not to have all their shit together. As long as I'm moving in a positive direction I'm making progress. My advice is figure out what is going to make you happy and the rest will follow. Forget the money, forget the fear, forget the reasons why not to do it and just jump, take the risk. You'll never regret going for something you wanted. However, I think you will almost always regret not going for it.
There is also something to be said for hard work. People my age grew up being told we were great, and sometimes we expect everyone else to think we're great too, regardless of whether we actually prove it or not. We expect to be good at something right away, to be making lots of money in our first job, and to be constantly reassured we're wonderful. What I learned very quickly in my first real world experience was that the only person truly invested in your success out there is you. You need to put in the work and the time, proving your worth before anyone will recognize your value. Value yourself first and success will follow.
2.) Practice does indeed make perfect. We live in a different world than the one our grandparents grew up in. People don't spend thirty years in the same job anymore. They go to college out of state and often end up settling down far away from where they were born. Most people have at least three different careers nowadays. That's not to say that some people don't know what they want to do from a young age and never change their minds. But for people like me who spent so much time undecided, gaining experience trying different careers is important. I never would have decided to pursue a Masters in social work if I hadn't first taught, met a lot of different kinds of families, done my own research, and talked to professionals about what kinds of positions and degrees made the most sense for me. Thinking you want to do something and actually pursuing it as a job are two very different things. I had a friend who dreamed of opening her own bakery, but once she actually worked in one she realized it wasn't for her. It seems like people of my generation are more concerned with liking what they do than previous generations. It's not just about a paycheck and benefits to us. We are easily bored and need to be inspired by and excited about what we do for work. I have come to the conclusion that loving what I do is paramount to my personal fulfillment. It took me time to figure out what I really wanted to do and that is okay!
3.) Gratitude is key. As someone who has spent the better half of my twenties living in some form of poverty, I have learned that it is really important to appreciate the good things in your life. Appreciating what you do have makes what's missing seem a little less apparent, And if you believe in the teachings of the cult hit The Secret, starting each day in a place of gratitude leaves you open to more good things coming into your life. Focusing on what you have and want brings more of that to you. And gratitude has everything to do with living in the present. We can't control what has already happened anymore than what will happen in the future. All we can really do is live for today because it's the only guarantee we have.
I am hoping some of this strikes a chord with other recent college grads. I think the hardest part of growing up is accepting that we're never a finished product. There is always more to learn, more to say, more to improve. You have to just enjoy the fun in figuring it all out along the way.
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